Monday, 7 April 2014

I want to shut him up.

He isn't even talking to me
and I have this urge
to shout him down
to change the topic.

Then I realize,
I felt the same way last time
someone was talking like that
and that time I did shut it down.

I feel ashamed.

I stopped people from exploring the philosophical concepts of determinism and free-will simply because it made me uncomfortable.
Hypothetical constructs should not be fearful.
People who refuse to grow and learn are frightened by the hypothetical...
that is why I am ashamed.

I couldn't handle the idea
that I have no choice in anything
and that everything
I do,
I say,
I am,
was predetermined from the moment time started.

I shut down the conversation with the point that it didn't matter
which was true
because it didn't affect day to day life
or the apparent choices we make
so it wasn't worth discussion.

And so,
a moment of weakness
caused by staring into the abyss of nihilistic philosophy,

now creates a blush of shame

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