Lessons From Childhood - Changing

My eyes change colour. They're usually a blue, sometimes a green, and only grey when I'm uber ticked off. 

Some people find this mystical, others think I'm making it up, for a few years as a tween I considered it a natural talent I could hone, I'm currently of the opinion its an involuntary blood vessel/light refraction thing. During the time I thought I could learn to control it, I had a dream. 

~In the dream I was standing in my bathroom, staring in the mirror over the sink, practising changing the colour of my eyes. Blue, to green, to grey, back to blue. It got easier as I tried til I was bored and confidant I could switch to any of those three with just a thought and minor push of will. Then I realized I hadn't tried brown yet. 

I tried just as I had with the other colours, willing my eyes to change but nothing happened. Getting frustrated I put as much pressure as I could behind it trying to force the change... then I felt the pressure pop and was filled with that slightly ill feeling of an injury that just occurred and you don't want to look at cause it doesn't hurt yet and you don't really want to know how bad it is.

Slowly I looked up... my eyes were blue, except for one hard edged wedge of vibrant medium brown. Looking at it I knew that the section of brown was always going to be there, and that I had completely destroyed my ability to willingly change my eye colour forever.

~

I know it was "just" a dream, but ever since I've thought of the brown representing any knowledge or skill, and the overall dream meaning I shouldn't push/hurry my personal growth or learning process. 

The reason all this came back to me is that I happened to look in the mirror today, and found that my eyes have been changing over the years. I now have a golden brown ring around the pupil. Maybe by the time I'm old and wise my eyes will be as vibrantly brown as my mother's.


(edit: Mom corrected me. She has the brown, dad has the blue.)

Exhausted

Last night the cat knocked a box off my dresser and it landed with a loud BANG waking me from deep sleep with a gasp. My adrenalin must have still been churning because when I got back to sleep I dreamed a horror movie trailer.

 

- - -

 

We were working in an indoor garden/jungle type building when I noticed a huge snail. The shell was as big as a spread hand and the body was longer than an arm. It looked weird so I reached out to touch it and instead of normal slime, it was thickly slathered with butterscotch-pudding looking stuff. I remembered a previous dream telling me to "follow the Glue" because the large snails were someone's science experiment and the butterscotch looking "Glue" was the key to it all. 

 

The dream cut to a later scene where an over head speaker was announcing "catastrophic failure" in the pod/building next to ours. Looking through the adjoining glass everything looked normal. Lots of waist and shoulder high greenery and nothing moving then SPLAT! a human that was little more than Glue covered skeleton in a space suit with no helmet crashed against the glass in a last desperate attempt to escape. As they slid to the ground dead, the greenery started to give in to the Glue that had transferred from the running human and within seconds, all the greenery yellowed, and browned, and dissolved into nothing showing the walls of the pod also dissolving and letting the last of the air escape from the pod onto the alien surface of what ever planet we were on.

 

The people around me were in a panic shouting and milling around. Half wanted to try to rescue any survivors, half wanted to run away, there was a leader telling us there was no way anyone survived but that the reinforced bio-hazard barriers between pods should protect us...and the whole time I was just standing there, in shock, thinking about the snail.

 

 - - -

I woke and decided I did not want that dream again and asked my brain for something a bit less sci-fi as I fell asleep. Unfortunately it just picked a different horror and I had a dream of physical abuse at the hands of a lecherous guardian/captor with the knowledge that reporting the offender would simply get me told by the police that the red marks were no proof cause I could have done that to myself because I didn't like my father/stepfather/husband/? or simply for attention.

 

So you can see why last night's sleep wasn't very restful at all.