Running

I mentioned to a friend the other day that I didn't think I had any errands or chores planned for after work Thursday, and that made me feel like I was forgetting something. She understood completely and said it was just because I've been so busy lately. I have to agree. With moving, hosting the house-warming, unpacking, setting up house, work, having a cold, helping my sweetheart find an apartment, and still trying to squeeze in a social life of some sort... I've been going non-stop for a month now. It's probably half of why I'm sick.

This morning I was pondering my financial situation and coming to the same conclusion. I finally have a little wiggle room to breathe and after years of confinement, it feels weird and wrong like I'm forgetting a bill somewhere and it's going to bite me in the ass any day now.

I pictured it this morning like I've been running a race for years now, barely ahead of the others. I pushed so hard on one stretch that I lost my map, and then suddenly I looked around, and I have no clue where any of the other runners are. I'm either so far ahead that I can't see them behind me, or I took a wrong turn some where and when I find my way back to the track I'll be so far behind I'll never catch up.

This is why I like being super organized. It allows me to not only plan for the future, but relax in the present knowing exactly what I can and can't do. Unfortunately I've been too busy to sit down and get all the ducks lined up. I DID get everything planned out leading up to the move. I had the next two years sorted out so I could pay everything and have a nice nest egg at the end of it. It's just that I know life never follows the plan and I haven't been updating it to reality so I'm scared I'm way off track. 

I've been running all my life. Running away, running toward, running from, running in place, running the household, running my life, running around my brain, running off my mouth, running ahead, running behind... I've been running so long I don't know how to take a stroll through the park any more. I've NEVER been on a proper leave-town-for-2weeks-vacation. My few trips have been air cadet summer camp as a child, weekend trailer park "camping" as a young adult(on someone else's dime), or moving to another city. It may be that all this running is just running me into an early grave, but I don't know how to slow down.

I'm hoping the next few months will give me the opportunity to learn.