I was talking to my sweetheart last night about how frustrating it is to have to censor so many moments in my life from the general public. It's not that these moments are shameful or even embarrassing, the trouble is peoples reactions.
We could be talking about loneliness and I can't bring up the stranger who talked my ear off for an hour about his ex-wife and his dog and the big kerfuffle surrounding their breakup. Or the lady at the bus stop who really wanted to tell someone about her cats and how she's worried about the one that's sick cause she can't afford the meds.
We could be talking about hunger and donating to foodbanks, and I can't bring up the times I've given food to people instead of organizations. I can't talk about the times I've offered to buy a meal for someone who needed it.
I can't talk about these moments because I always get one of three reactions depending on the type of kindness I was showing another human being.
Because it's usually what's thought of first, lets call giving money to someone with no intent or desire for them to repay it Type1. This ranges from helping a friend pay their rent to giving a toonie($2 coin) to the guy sitting on the sidewalk downtown.
Type2 would be all those other things you can do for someone. Listening when they need to talk. Giving someone something you don't need anymore but you know they do. Giving/buying food for someone else.
Oddly enough, unless they're my close family(or close enough friends to be considered family) peoples reactions have become so predictable I can categorize them.
Reactions:
As for type1&2. Well look at you fishing for attention/compliments.
Bs for type1&2. OMG you're the sweetest person evar! You should feel so good cause you're amazing.
Cs for type1. You really shouldn't give out money because they will just spend it on booze or drugs
Cs for type2. You really shouldn't talk to/be nice to/be anywhere near strangers because they're gonna do something awful to you.
Let's address the A's.
Really? I bring this up in a relevant conversation and have a point to make and some reason you think it's all about me wanting praise? My acts of kindness are simple one-on-one social interactions. If I wanted attention or compliments I'd do something big and public like a run-to-cure-X or a charity booth in the park or something.
On to the B's
If someone does something drastic like donating 90% of their annual income to reducing the spread of AIDS in Africa.... okay they deserve a hi-five and probably a plaque or something to hang on the wall. Basic human decency should not be surprising. I would much prefer if acts of kindness were common enough that we didn't have phrases like “I've done my good deed for the day” in our common language. There is no quota on kindness.
Now lets address the C's.
In the case of Type1, who cares what they spend it on? Most people are going to tend to their basic needs first, and if your life sucks so bad you'd risk dying to escape for a few hours, who am I to judge? It's not common for someone starving to choose escape over food. If they do, that is addiction and they need medical help. Making sure they starve to death before they can get that help isn't kindness.
Think about it. To someone with an addiction, their addiction comes first so they're always going to spend a specific amount on their drug of choice.(I've even seen this apply to hardcore tobacco smokers.) I know nothing about drug prices so pretend we're talking about $20/week. If they've bought their $20 worth, they're good til next week and any other money will go to the other things necessary to life like food. If they've been so broke that they couldn't buy the $20 worth yet, uh, duh the $5 you gave them is gonna go to drugs. That's what addiction is all about. It overrides the brain's natural function and makes itself the most important thing. Putting people into withdrawal because “they'll just spend it on drugs” is backwards thinking and will not help them eat.
In the cases of Type2, it cost me NOTHING but a few minutes. I'm always in public with other people around and it doesn't inconvenience me at all to listen to someone who's lonely while I wait for the bus. What else am I going to do with that time that is more important? Facebook? Angry Birds? In the case of giving items, I have more than enough. It will not harm me to give what I don't need to someone who needs it. I don't understand the mentality of people who think otherwise.
Picture walking down the street on a rainy day. You're using your big umbrella because you saw the weather forecast called for pouring rain, and as usual you have a backup DollarStore umbrella or raincoat in your bag because you always keep it there for emergencies. You're getting on with your day, running errands dry and comfortable, when you spot someone who's obviously worse off. They're huddled in a doorway using a piece of quickly sogging cardboard to block the raindrops that bounce off the sidewalk from getting into their drier doorway. How can any sane person walk past? How can you not give them your easily replaced backup and just replace it later? How can you be so cold?
No it's not your responsibility, it's not your job, it's not your problem... it's our privilege to have so much that we can help others without harming ourselves. It's our privilege to “just replace it later”. It's our privilege to have the choice.
This has been bothering me for quite some time. Thank you for reading.
